Welcome
Detective: How did you get into counterfeiting?
Criminal: I answered an ad that said, "Make money at home. "
Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He's all right now.
MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.
============
TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!
============
TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY : You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.
============
True friends are like Diamonds... they are real and rare. False friends are like leaves... they are scattered everywhere.
============
How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb?
She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."
============
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.
============
What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.
============
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.
============
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese.
============
What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
============
What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko.
============
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
============
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
============
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?
A pachydermatologist
============
What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A pool table.
What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka.
and what kind of lettuce?
Iceberg.
============
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.
============
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.